


Shoulda, Woulda, Coulda

by thealphagate_archivist



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Angst, Drama, Episode Related, Missing Scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-03-29
Updated: 2006-03-29
Packaged: 2019-02-02 01:45:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12717174
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thealphagate_archivist/pseuds/thealphagate_archivist
Summary: Sam's thoughts as SG-1 (sorry!  SG-0.75!) 'find' Daniel on Vis Uban.





	Shoulda, Woulda, Coulda

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the archivists: this story was originally archived at [The Alpha Gate](https://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Alpha_Gate), a Stargate SG-1 archive, which began migration to the AO3 in 2017 when its hosting software, eFiction, was no longer receiving support. To preserve the archive, we began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2017. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are this creator and it hasn't transferred to your AO3 account, please contact us using the e-mail address on [The Alpha Gate collection profile](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/thealphagate).

  
Author's notes: Mentions of ascension, canon character ?death? (M*rdian), briefest mention of ?ship.  


* * *

"If you're going to have delusions, may as well as go for the really satisfying ones!"  
Marcus Cole, 'The Summoning' 

Sam's POV

He turned to me and asked if there was ever anything between us.

I think he's talking about a romantic connection. There was, kinda, but I'm not going to tell him that. He's not Daniel, he's not the guy I worked alongside for five happy years before that black day on Kewlona.

It could have been so very, very different. Yes, I have feelings for Daniel. No jury in the land could convict me on a count of loving this guy. A gentleman and scholar in every sense of the word, wrapped up in a package that would turn heads wherever we went, off world or on. And people wonder why the Colonel went so grey so fast! It all comes down to Daniel.

If it hadn't been for what happened to Sha'uri, I would have made a play for him years ago. Yet then, I don't think we would have ever met, or if we had, we wouldn't have connected the way we did. It's all past now. Apophis took Sha'uri and chose her as a host for his queen and left Daniel a widower. Only it took three years for what the rest of us feared to be true to become reality.

I was there for Daniel, we all were in those dark days after her death. He was... broken, he tried to hide it but it was there, under the surface. I couldn't make a play for him, it wouldn't have been fair, especially as I was going through a few emotional upheavals of my own at that time too. I was lucky - mine were, on the whole, for the good. All thanks to someone who was to all eyes the same as that which took Sha'uri from Daniel, but Selmak gave me back my father and my brother, something for which I'll always bless 'him' for. 

SG-1 grew and changed. I still loved Daniel but I got... distracted. My battered heart took refuge in loving someone with dark hair, dark eyes and an attitude 'problem'. In my defense, all I can say is that I am my mother's daughter in that respect. She fell for Dad and I fell for the Colonel. Guess who made the right decision. We were more like brother and sister now, Daniel and I, stronger than that I'd say. Then Kelowna happened and... he died. As did SG-1 with him.

We tried to carry on, Jonas joined us but we were simply limping along. Dad was one of the first to notice, I think that he saw Daniel as a son, he would have liked him to be a son-in-law, but... 

We'd gotten back to dry land after the mission trying to salvage Anubis' mothership and we were just sitting in my office, drinking coffee and chatting about everything when he asked me about how I was coping. 

I counted myself so very lucky in those hours after Daniel's dea... departure. Dad was there to hold me. He was grieving too but at least we had each other for support. Teal'c simply dealt and the Colonel just... didn't. 

I didn't answer right away; I just futzed with some gizmo on my bench and didn't meet his gaze. He didn't say anything, just came over and held me close. There were three people in that hug, Dad, me and Selmak. 

Once I felt in more control, I began to talk about everything. How I loved him, how the SGC felt different without him, how the Colonel and Teal'c were 'different'. Neither Dad nor Selmak said anything while I spoke. They listened to me.

When I had run out of words, Selmak spoke. He told me that as much as it hurt, we were luckier than we knew. Daniel was out there, looking out for us as an Ascended. Not only that, but as long as we still loved him and kept his memory close to us, he'd never leave us. 

I wondered about these words and then remembered that Selmak, like Jolinar, would have gone through this process so many times as each successive host grew old and died over its lifespan. I could recall the suppressed grief that 'she' felt for Rosha and for the man on Nassya who had been 'her' host for such a short time before me. 

"It never gets any better does it?" I asked. Selmak shook 'his' head.

"The pain lessens over time and you remember the love and the good times that you shared, You wish that you could have shown them how much you loved them but I always think that in the end they always knew. As Daniel did." 'he' said. 

I kissed him on the cheek for that, for understanding. I think we would have spoken more, but for General Hammond appearing in my doorway. He said it wasn't urgent but despite the leeway he allows Dad and I, duty called. 

And now Daniel was back. The memory was coming back in fits and starts but it was returning and this 'stranger' was becoming our Daniel again. I now have that chance that Selmak spoke of. To show him just how much I loved him. Yet there were so many questions. Should I take it? Could I take it?

Mom would say that 'Should, would, and could were the last words of a fool'. I'd like to think that I'm not a fool but... I don't know. I want my friend back first... then I'll see if I can love him in the way he deserves to be loved. 

Fini


End file.
